It's dark. I can't breathe. My heart hurts. Is this it?
I reach over to my husband, sleeping quietly beside me. I shake his arm. I gasp for breath.
Leaping out of bed, he gets me in the car and races me to the hospital.
I don't die, and boy, it sure felt like I was close.
The doctor assures me that it wasn't a heart attack.
What I was having was a panic attack. I feel stupid and small for thinking it was. How did I get here?
I had a plan. I had it all, a loving partner and a great job.
So now it was time for phase two, time to have a baby. Except it didn't happen. The doctors had no idea why my husband I couldn't conceive.
Having worked for over 20 years as a prenatal and postnatal yoga instructor and then doula, I was well versed in different therapies that were available trying to get pregnant. But when those more mainstream alternatives started to run out, I tried almost everything.
I was on all kinds of hormones to help with conception. These hormones only increased the roller coaster of hope and then depression, as each month, I didn't conceive. Trying to have a baby was ruining my relationship with my husband and destroying my mental health.
I felt fragile and so alone. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone, particularly because I worked with pregnant women every day.
Then one day, one of the practitioners I had been going to with mild success sent me a video of Dr Dain Heer. I can't even remember what he was talking about in his video; I just knew that whatever it is that he was doing, I had to find out more. So I signed up for my first Access Consciousness Bars and Foundation Class. Having never even had a Bars session before.
The Access Bars is not just about recovering. It's about thriving because you start learning things about yourself.
I remember laying there and having my first Bars session in the class, it was a big class, and every time someone walked by the massage table I was on, I remember I'd perceive them. Then they would go, and there would be a sense of space. And then the next person would walk but my sense of them, even though my eyes were closed, was completely different. I began to realize that my body and I were just like a radio receiver picking up all the information around us.
The class also gave me the awareness that I'm not crazy. I'm just wired differently from others.
I always wondered before that class, 'Why does this world not make sense to me?' Getting my Bars run for the first time started changing my perspective on that. That gave me a sense of how aware my body and I are of even the most subtle nuances or changes around us.
Since that class, I haven't looked back. My whole life has changed. The Access Bars is like being given the manual should have been given when you were born. It allowed me to see that I had fixated on getting pregnant and panicked when that didn't work. But continuing to get my Bars run, I started to see all the possibilities I could choose outside of becoming a mom.
Today I have peace with my life that I have, and it's not what I expected, and it's a wild, fun adventure.
To find out more about Cara Wright and her Access Bars story, watch the video below: